ADHD Resource Hub
ADHD and romantic relationships
ADHD and Relationships
Untreated ADHD can derail your relationship.
Relationships where one or both members of the couple have ADHD can be filled with misunderstandings, anger and frustration.
Research supports notion that couples including adults with ADHD are more likely to report low relationship satisfaction and to separate or divorce, than couples unaffected by ADHD.
These problems often arise from the misinterpretation of undiagnosed ADHD symptoms or, if the ADHD has been diagnosed, from both partners being unsure of what to do about it.
How much does ADHD really matter?
Turns out the data on the impact of ADHD on romantic relationships, and therefore families in many cases, is robust and profound.
"The high ADHD divorce rates can be attributed to the symptoms of the disorder, including impulsivity, inattention, and emotional dysregulation, which can put a significant strain on relationships. Furthermore, the stresses of living with ADHD, such as financial difficulties and social challenges, can exacerbate marital problems. By understanding the unique challenges faced by couples affected by ADHD, we can work towards reducing the alarming ADHD divorce rates and fostering more resilient and loving relationships.”
The nuances are everything
Understanding intention within relationships
The central question in couples therapy that eventually prompts the deeper dive into an adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) assessment is:
"Is your partner (or you) behaving the way they are in the relationship because they are choosing to do so, despite its effect on you? Or are they committed to the relationship, yet despite all their best efforts, they can’t seem to get it together and do not know why."
We offer tailored ADHD couples solutions to address the assessment and presence of ADHD in a romantic relationship, so you can finally get back to that connection and happiness you once had.
Symptoms that show up in relationships because of unmanaged ADHD
Trouble paying attention.
If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don’t remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one.
Forgetfulness.
Even when someone with ADHD is paying attention, they may later forget what was promised or discussed. When it’s your partner’s birthday or the household item you said you’d pick up, your partner may start to feel like you don’t care, or that you’re unreliable.
Trouble staying organized.
This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks, as well as general household chaos. Partners may feel like they’re always cleaning up after the person with ADHD and shouldering a disproportionate amount of the family duties.
Impulsivity.
If you have ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings. This impulsivity can also lead to irresponsible and even reckless behaviour (for example, making a big purchase that isn’t in the budget, leading to fights over finances).
Emotional volatility, or extreme sensitivity.
Many people with ADHD brains have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily, have trouble discussing issues calmly or come across as quite defensive. Your partner may feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.
ADHD & Couples Research
‘Assortative mating‘ (attraction to partners who exhibit similar behaviours as ourselves) is more common among adults with ADHD than we might think.
A study published in 2021 found adults with ADHD are more likely to have partners with clinically significant symptoms of ADHD, which increases the likelihood of relationship problems.
By understanding the role that ADHD plays in your relationship – correctly interpreting what is happening to you and learning ways to make the interactions more positive – couples can not only improve their marriages, but THRIVE.
Traditional couples therapy might fall short of both assessing and meeting the needs of a couple who may or may not know that ADHD is what is underpinning their difficulties.
Exclusively from Dig a Little Deeper:
ADHD-adapted Relational Therapy (AaRT)
Relationships thrive on connection, communication, and mutual understanding—but when one or both partners have ADHD, traditional couples therapy approaches may fall short.
That’s why we offer ADHD-Adapted Relational Therapy (AaRT), an exclusive approach tailored for couples of mixed neurotypes, developed by ADHD specialized couple therapists John Foulkes, and Christina Crowe.
AaRT integrates neuroscience, executive functioning support, and relationship dynamics to help partners:
Understand how ADHD traits impact, communication, emotional regulation, and daily life,
Shift from frustration and misunderstanding to mutual support and connection,
Build practical strategies that work with, not against, neurodivergent needs
Reduce cycles of conflict rooted in differences in attention, memory, or processing speed.
If you and your partner experience challenges related to ADHD, AaRT offers a specialized, evidence-based approach to help your relationship thrive.
Watch or Listen
Our presentations, courses and podcast episodes about the effect of ADHD on relationships are among our most viewed content.
Watch ADHD Couples therapist John Foulkes on The Christina Crowe Podcast in Making Sense of ADHD Couple Life:
Recommended Books for couples with ADHD or mixed neurotypes
The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD, by Melissa Orlov & Nancy Kohlenberger, LMFT
ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship, by Ari Tuckman
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps. by Melissa Orlov
More articles for couples with ADHD
Read the latest research: Love, Sex and ADHD, by Dr. Stephen V. Faraone,
Cooped Up with ADHD? Relationship Advice for Couples Strained by Social Distancing
